On Memories

Just like books in libraries, I like to think that memories come with their own unique Dewey code. With this you can easily find the books you want at the right shelves. For instance, 900 is History & Geography; 950 is General History of Asia, Far East; 959 is General History of Asia: South Asia and so on. Now, erase the Dewey code from one book and it’s not so easy to find it anymore within the immensity of library shelving system, although that book is still there somewhere. Just like memories.

How do you erase memories? By erasing their identities, their Dewey code. You work from outside, the outer shell—the colors, features, elements and most importantly: association—erasing them one by one until you cannot recognize those particular memories anymore. Once the identities gone they become generic. You then store them back in random shelves and they’re lost within rows and rows and rows of other inconspicuous memories. And you will think that you’ve got rid of them forever.

Except that you have not. The content is still intact. From time to time it resurfaces and seamlessly blends with our everyday life. Only, without familiar label you won’t recognize it. Perhaps it morphs into a feeling of desolation when the rain is pouring down. Or it merges in the glowing warmth whenever you read a certain poem. Maybe the bitterness of a cup of black coffee in one morning concurs at the same time with a pang of sorrow. A déjà vu as you watch one scene in an episode of comedy series.

Those feelings you can’t understand? Must be reminiscence of a certain past, a relic of seemingly not-so-distant fragment of life’s long narration.

***

Grandma

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night…

(Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night – Dylan Thomas)

Visited Grandma few days ago while on business trip to Surabaya. Grandma is seriously ill, and her condition is deteriorating. None of us is under the illusion that she will get better. Nobody told me that, but for things like these, you just knew. You can sense them by the way they talk about her, the look in their eyes, their voice intonation, the unfinished sentences...

It’s not that we’re giving up on her just like that, because we have tried everything imaginable. But I think we have come to a point when we realize that everything has its end, and we finally have to let go. And exactly because of that the family decided that she should be treated at my aunt’s home rather than under professional supervision at the hospital. At least when the time comes she will be surrounded by the loved ones who love her till her ends.

I also think all of us secretly wish that when the time comes she will pass away gently, without a pain. Still it pains me to think of her current condition. She can’t do anything without someone else’s assistance. She could not even remember me, one of her favourite grandkids, when my aunt whispered in her ears, “mom, Boyke is here”. She just stared distantly over my shoulder. My aunt sadly smiled at me, “she knows it’s you”. I know it’s a lie, but I guess both of us wishfully thought it’s the truth when I answered, “of course she does…”

She’s a strong woman, my aunt is, and I admire her. I can’t imagine how you can live with a realization that this day, this hour, this very moment might be the last time you see your mother alive. It’s quite different from the rest of us, where the banality of everyday’s life can be a welcome interruption from that depressing thought. I mean, for her, grandma is the day-to-day business. No matter how you love someone, things like that will surely weight your soul.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light

Ah grandma. When your time has come, I don’t want you to fight the dying of the light. Just make peace with it, and go gently into that good night. Because we know you have fought hard enough all these years. Because we know all of your life you’ve been a strong woman. Because we know you have light up our lives too. Because, we all love you…

***

The Burden of Lightness

My friend just sighed “how empty life can be”. Same day earlier the other friend of mine complained “my burden is so heavy”. Light or heavy? Good or bad? I don’t know. But the exact same question reminds me of this excerpt from Kundera’s “The Unbearable Lightness of Being”.

If eternal return is the heaviest of burdens, then our lives can stand out against it in all their splendid lightness.

But is heaviness truly deplorable and lightness splendid?

The heaviest of burdens crushes us, we sink beneath it, it pins us to the ground. But in the love poetry of every age, the woman longs to be weighed down by the man's body. The heaviest of burdens is therefore simultaneously an image of life's most intense fulfillment. The heavier the burden, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become.

Conversely, the absolute absence of a burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into the heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant.

What then shall we choose? Weight or lightness?

Ah my friends, never an easy choice isn’t it? But like other things in life, is there any?

***

The Cost of Having a Great Life

“The enemy of a great life is a good life” Rene Suhardono

I just moved back to Jakarta after spending 8 months working in Makassar. I did have a choice whether to move or stay, since the company wasn’t just order me to move. And I decided to move back not mainly because of the new position offered, but rather due to the fact that my family live separately from me here in Jakarta.

For the last 8 months I was commuting between Makassar and Jakarta on the weekend, at least 3 times per month. The arrangement was quite costly, but working in area office has their merits.

For a start, Makassar is a big city, but not big enough for you to spend an hour traveling from 1 point to another. In fact the traffic is moderate it takes no more than 30 minutes to go from one corner of the city to another. The other one is the work pace. When you say working 8 to 5 it usually really means 8 to 5. It leaves you with enough leisure time to finish reading on average 4 books per month.

Don’t forget, Makassar is by no means less ‘civilized’ than Jakarta. I mean, wifi hotspots, 21 cineplex, McDonalds, Carrefour, Gramedia, hang out places, cable TV networks… all the good things in life. Oh, one more thing: the food is good.

To summarize: enough time for leisure + good entertainment facilities = a good life.

Now consider the trade off. First, of course the time I could spend with family and friends. Every month I could only spend: 3 times x 2 days (Saturday & Sunday) x 24 hours = 144 hours. They cost around Rp. 2 millions (ticket price Makassar-Jakarta vv) x 2 = Rp. 4 millions, since each month I have one regular business meeting in Jakarta. Another thing, I have to spend approximately Rp. 2 millions each month for my cost of living.

When I decided to move back to Jakarta, I assume all things being equal + more time with family & friends + less cost of living = a great life. In my calculation this translates: a great life > a good life, hence: move. It takes only 3 weeks to prove my assumptions were wrong.

First assumption: all things being equal. Like most of the economic students eventually realized, it is the most unrealistic assumption one can make. Why? Because it grossly over simplifies. How fool I was to think the newly opened toll access will shorten my travel time to the office. True it takes no more than 15 minutes once you’re in the toll to reach the office, but to reach the toll itself takes more than 45 minutes. On average I spend more than an hour to go to / from the office, sometimes more. Ah, the story of your life my fellow Jakartans, but it’s a cultural shock for me and I need to re-adapt myself to Jakarta’s traffic. After all in Makassar it takes only 15 minutes to get to the office.

Second, the assumption that I could spend significant more time with my family and friends. Turns out, due to my job, I have to spend more time in the office than I thought I should. I like the new job, don’t get me wrong, but it demands long work hours and require me to attend meetings—lots of them. As a result, in typical work days I can only see my family early in the morning and in the evening, an hour top. So ends up I spend less significant more time with my family as it was before when I still working in Makassar: mostly in the weekends. To be precise, I spend [4 times x 2 days (Saturday & Sunday) x 24 hours] + [4 times x 5 workdays x 1 hour] = 212 hours.

Let’s not discuss about leisure time for myself. As a comparison I can only finish reading 1 book in this tightly scheduled 3 weeks. And it’s in bahasa Indonesia, so it doesn’t really count, because in general I finish 300 pages in my mother tongue faster (approximately 5 hours) than the same book in English.

Now let’s compare both choices:

a) Living in Makassar: A Good Life
(1) Upsides: a convenient work pace, more leisure time for the good things in life (books, movies etc.)
(2) Downsides: less friends + no family, only 144 hours per month to spend with them
(3) Cost: Rp. 6 millions per month

b) Move to Jakarta: A Great Life
(1) Upsides: more time for friends + family, approximately 212 hours per month.
(2) Downsides: hectic work pace, almost no time for the good things in life.
(3) Cost: Negligible

Leaving the qualitative part aside, I can conclude that the opportunity cost of having 68 more hours with family and friends is exactly Rp. 6 millions + 3 books to finish. Somebody told me that time for family and friends is priceless. Yeah, right.

***

High School Never Ends

The whole damn world is just as obsessed
With who's the best dressed and who's having sex,
Who's got the money, who gets the honeys,
Who's kinda cute and who's just a mess
And you still don't have the right look
And you don't have the right friends
Nothing changes but the faces, the names, and the trends
High school never ends

(High School Never Ends; Bowling for Soup)

When I first heard this song without really listening to the lyrics, I thought it’s just another happy song glorifying the high school years. The merry melody, the title and the way the band sing it brings to the conclusion.

After I find the lyrics, turned out that the song is actually means the opposite. The song is about a loser who “don't have the right look and don't have the right friends” in high school. He’s grateful when he finally graduates, but he finds the world is no different with high school situation; hence “high school never ends”. And believe me, I can relate to the song all too well.

It has some point, for my case at least. In high school I didn’t belong. With no look, no sporting ability, no car and no style I was almost invisible. Oh peer pressure can be so agonizing. I tried to blend in, followed the trend, hang out with them. That’s the problem: I tried too hard since actually their lifestyle doesn’t suit me. And still, I could not blend in. Ends up I wasted the best chance to excel in the thing I actually have the potential for: study.

Well, of course it wasn’t that bad. I eventually made friends with few people with whom I can be myself without being scorned. In study I wasn’t doing badly either, if only mediocre at best. Looking back, what I regret is the wasted time and the pain I put myself to for trying to be someone I am not. Had I found those good friends earlier, I could save myself from the agony and spend more time doing what I really like.

And the only thing that matters
Is climbing up that social ladder
Still care about your hair and the car you drive
Doesn't matter if you're sixteen or thirty-five

Now, here I am. So far life has been good to me and I’m grateful. Can’t claim that I’m doing very well, but certainly I’m not doing awfully worse than most of my peers. Over the years it turns up my so-called standard of living is getting higher with better income. Two different pair of shoes for instance, used to be sufficient for every occasion, and I didn’t buy new one before they really worn off. Now, I ‘need’ different shoes simply to match my attire.

And when I meet old friends what are we talking about? That’s right: “who's got the money, who gets the honeys”. Who does what and how well they do, who’s marrying who, who drives what, who lives where and so forth. Yes it’s true that most of the times we do it innocently without any ill intention, merely updating the situation, keep tracking the whereabouts of old friends. But honestly, sometimes unintentionally we also compare our life with theirs. Are we better off or worse off?

Ah without realizing it I have become the ‘them’ I despised in high schools. And I am still doing it, climbing up that social ladder, “doesn't matter if you're sixteen or thirty-five”. What used to be a peer pressure now becomes norms I have to fulfill. These are the norms I have to confirm so my friends and family can see me as a ‘somebody’—whatever it really means. The parameters? Right again, those things again: who does what and how well they do, who’s marrying who, who drives what, who lives where. So superficial, so pointless.

When does it end? Get real, high school never ends…

***

Virtual Cage

Read the news in Tribun Makasar (Dec 21, 2006). It says that recently police, teachers and student council conducted an inspection among the students of Mangkura elementary school in Makassar. This is due to (still unconfirmed) news that one of the student has appeared in yet another improper video-phone recording movie. The teachers claim that they have suggested that students should not be equipped with cell phone, to minimize excess like this and stealing. But the parents refused, reasoning it will be difficult for them to pick the students after school or control their whereabouts.

While the excess is truly a concern, I can not help wondering on the reason mentioned by the parents. Is that really that difficult to coordinate pick up without a cell phone? I mean, they just have to wait at the gate don’t they? Unless of course, they’re just too lazy to get out of their car.

This is I think the curse of new technology. While it makes your life so much easier, at the other end it creates a new need. Hardly a need actually, but the convenience brought by these new tech has pampered us and we become attached to it. There’s a feeling that it’s something we can’t do without. The truth is, well, it’s just a feeling.

Having been a late embracer of new technologies and hi-tech lifestyle, I could not fathom the gravity of that problem. After all at some periods in my life I lived without sophisticated gadgets and I was doing just fine. Let’s see the things I regularly use now and when was the first time I used them:

• CD Player: 1997
• Cell phone: not until late 2000
• E-mail account and mailing list membership: 2001
• Yahoo Messenger 2004; Friendster: 2005; Blog: late 2006
• Cell phone with blue tooth: not until a few months ago
• Flash Disc: 1 month ago

However, the fateful last week of 2006 has changed my view. You know, that quake in Taiwan. When I am writing this it has been the fourth day without access to most of the important sites I visit regularly—including this blog. I have no problem with information and entertainment. There’s always TV, newspapers and books—just finished 2 books this week. But still something is missing: I’m not connected to the world. It’s like watching things passing by from inside a cage—virtual cage that is.

That attachment! Now I can empathize with those parents. Those technologies have been an integral part of our life that we take them for granted. It’s remarkable that a species who successfully inhabited all corner of the world by 5,000 BC using mostly stone and few iron tools, now can’t function well only because they can’t peek on the world through internet windows.

In the ice-age, some animal species became extinct after deprived from their source of food. Considering our dependency on advance technologies (and correspondingly how quick we de-learn to do basic stuff), is it possible that in the future our species may face extinction when cut off from them? Mmm... anybody still remember how to prepare rice without rice-cooker?


***

Confession of an Ex-Future Dentist

Have I told you that I went to dentistry school back then? Well, it was a long time ago and it only last for 2 semesters. At the end of the last semester I thought that this is not for me, applied for another major, took the entry exam, and ended up studying economics instead.

Why did I quit? Not because of the environment. Although it’s in Surabaya instead of my hometown Jakarta, I had wonderful friends whose companionship I retained until now, and close relatives who made my life a lot more easier.

I couldn’t keep up with the subjects? Never a straight A student, but with a GPA of 3.0 I wasn’t doing badly. But there’s some truth in there. I was still in my sophomore year hence the lectures I went though were basically pretty generic. But then I saw the major challenge ahead. To be a dentist it’s not enough to be smart, you have to be pretty dexterous with your hands too. The difficulties I saw my seniors had to go through made me weak at the knees.

There was a pragmatic reasoning as well. Once you got your degree you can’t just open a practice. You have to go through “PTT”, kind of drafting in military service, where you have to serve in a puskesmas mostly in remote areas. Only after you completed 2 years of service the health department can give you a license to open your own practice. But not yet, the equipment needed to open a practice is also quite dear. Too long before you can enjoy your money.

As for the reason I chose to study dentistry at the first place, well, what can I say? It’s so unimaginative. Since I spent 2 years majoring in biology at high school why not go to medical or dentistry school, I thought. But then again, medical school is way out of my league. Next thing to do was checking the ratio between seats available vs. numbers of applicants. Most medical school: 1 seat every 5000 or so applicants. Not good. But then “Dentistry, Airlangga University” with 1:200 ratio was a reasonable bet. I wasn’t that desperate though to apply for some major with 1:25 ratio. So you can see there’s no idealistic motive behind the selection. That’s history though.

Recently I met with a good friend of mine who has the guts to continue and completed his study in dentistry. He has his own practice right now, and not doing bad at all. And then there’s another relative of mine who’s also a dentist, once showed me his (yet another) newest car, a latest edition of Benz. He told me, “this is a 3-months worth of work. And can you please tell me again why did you leave your study?” Oh my.

But above all, it’s not the money I envy. You see, that friend of mine (in his own words) is a moderately successful dentist with 5 patients each day on average. He bought his house 3 years ago in cash and his daily itinerary looks like this: work out at fitness centre or softball field in the morning, surf the internet after lunch, play with his kid in the afternoon, open the “business” at 5.00 PM at home. Moreover he’s moonlighting as a pitcher in the national soft ball league (for the fun of it rather than for the money), sometimes leaving his practice for more than 1 month. No boss, respectable job, steady income and enough time to enjoy it. Can you ask for more?

***

Work Life Balance

Subtly represents my mood today. Small details: instead of broken X Box, I have poor internet connection...And don't bother to press the "Read More" button this time.

On Being a Skeptic

Note: it starts with a comment in my friend’s blog, from a guy claiming he’s an atheist. So sure he is with the claim that God doesn’t exist, it actually reminds me of myself in the old days. You know, we were immortal back then. But as we grow old we are not too sure anymore, about anything. We’re skeptical. People says it’s alright and that actually the sign of maturity. Is it true? I don’t know. I’m a skeptic remember?

Anyway, ends up I wrote this comment. At the beginning what I had in mind was a plea for this guy to continue question everything. But after I read it again, it looks like I have written something about my value, which I hold dear to my heart. Worth to post it here...maybe.

**

Ah mas Narto, senang sekali mengetahui bahwa ada orang Indonesia yang dengan lantang mengakui dirinya atheist. Mungkin banyak yang dalam hatinya seperti itu tapi yang out of the closet seperti mas Narto nggak banyak. Seperti fenomena gay begitu...he he. Sori cuman bercanda.

Saya cuman berharap mas Narto tidak menjadi atheist hanya karena alasan sesederhana itu (karena tidak percaya adanya mukjizat). Agama, seperti halnya ilmu pengetahuan mengalami perkembangan juga. Penafsiran saklek tentang mukjizat seperti itu rasanya sudah ketinggalan zaman. Kreasionisme (tentang terciptanya kehidupan di muka bumi) sudah nggak laku lagi, intelligent design juga banyak diperdebatkan.

Alih-alih, cerita dalam kitab suci harus dilihat sebagai alegori, tamsil tentang kondisi manusia, dan pengantar bagaimana caranya agar manusia bisa merasakan kehadiran Tuhan. Merasakan kehadiran Tuhan menurut banyak orang adalah cara untuk meningkatkan kualitas hidup manusia. Itu saja.

Saya juga nggak mau bilang kalau fungsi agama atau kepercayaan pada tuhan adalah sebagai pedoman moral manusia, karena penganut atheisme sudah pasti bilang: “memangnya kalau tidak percaya tuhan berarti tidak bisa bermoral?” Hal ini sudah disimpulkan sekian lama lalu oleh Immanuel Kant dengan moral imperative-nya. Ya, menurutnya nalar kita sudah cukup untuk menjadi penunjuk apa yang boleh dan tidak boleh kita lakukan sebagai manusia sosial. Agama tidak relevan lagi di sini.

Namun masih berpedoman pada Immanuel Kant, saya juga tidak tertarik dengan kepastian yang ditawarkan atheisme, yaitu kepastian tentang ketiadaan tuhan. Menurut Kant, hal yang berkaitan dengan keberadaan tuhan berada di luar kemampuan nalar manusia, dan hal yang berada di luar nalar bukan obyek nalar sehingga tidak dapat diperdebatkan. Jadi menurut saya, secara nalar ada atau tidaknya tuhan tidak bisa dipastikan.

Bahkan dalam membahas tuhan, Romo Franz Magnis Suseno dalam bukunya “Menalar Tuhan” (sudah baca? Bagus lho) memberikan banyak batasan dan dia bermain cantik dengan tidak secara gamblang menyimpulkan ada atau tidaknya tuhan. Tapi kayaknya dia kurang meyakinkan tuh waktu berusaha “membuktikan” adanya intelligent design dalam satu bab. Mengenai hal ini saya lebih setuju dengan pendapat Richard Dawkins (The Blind Watchmaker, kayaknya buku wajib penganut atheist ya...he he) yang intinya mengatakan bahwa tidak ada yang istimewa dari keberadaan hal-hal yang kelihatannya sudah tersusun rapi dari sono-nya. Karena menurut Dawkins, “siapa bilang itu benar-benar sempurna?” Artinya itu pendapat subyektif dari manusia yang gampang kagum aja. Tentu tidak sesederhana itu, Dawkins menyertakan beberapa argumen ilmiah yang cukup mendalam tentang pendapatnya itu.

Tapi di lain pihak, menjadi rasional berarti harus percaya pada konsep sebab-akibat: harus ada sebab logis dari mengada (being). Nah, ilmu pengetahuan dengan dahsyat menurut saya sejauh ini berhasil merunut kejadian alam semesta ini dari awalnya. Apalagi kalau bukan “Big Bang”. Namun sampai saat ini tidak ada teori yang cukup memuaskan untuk menjelaskan apa yang menyebabkan alam semesta memuai dengan kecepatan luar biasa pada saat (tepatnya: sesaat setelah) terjadinya “Big Bang” itu. Ini kan semacam kreasionisme juga: something out of nothing. Apa ini bukti keberadaan Tuhan? Mungkin saja.

Kita masih bisa berdebat panjang lebar mengenai Tuhan yang cemburu, yang tidak mengenal belas kasihan. Kalau benar Tuhan itu cinta, mengapa Ia membiarkan banyak penderitaan terjadi kepada umatnya? THE ultimate question, if you may. Tapi ruang di sini rasanya terlalu sempit untuk membahas itu.

Intinya: menemukan kepastian itu tidak menantang, yang lebih asik adalah mencari jawaban. Mas Narto contohnya, jadi berhenti bertanya kan? Kalau saya sih lebih cenderung membuka pintu untuk segala kemungkinan, siapa tau ada perkembangan menarik di masa depan. Tentu saja, nggak ada yang bisa melarang atau memaksa kalau mas Narto bersikukuh dengan pendapatnya.

***

Words

Just hate myself for being so cranky today. I guess all of this pressure from work, the exhausting long trip and annoying smog (yes smoke and fog, in Kalimantan now) finally took its toll. Yeah right, lame excuses. Blame it on the weather. As if it justifies being mad to someone over trivial matter.

It’s neither necessary nor productive. Come to think of it, I even took some moments to consider before saying those darn words. It wasn't an uncontrollable-in-the-heat-of-the-moment kind of rage. More like I wanted to, intended to, aggravate someone with those words. My better judgment has eluded me. Hell, I even knew that it might be just a silly misunderstanding. And you know what: it actually was. It’s meaningless, simply meaningless.

I was sorry, and still am, but too proud to openly say that. Now what? Damage check: one ruined relationship, at least one troubled mind, this guilty feeling and a mountain to climb to fix that damage, or whatever left from it. All is a result of less than 20 words. I’m pretty dexterous with words, but no idea I’m that talented. Great, just great…


***

The Root of the Matters

Found this interesting post from my friend's blog. I hope nobody mind I re-posted it here along with my comments. I don’t want to say that it is right or wrong, in fact for matters of faith, believe, religion and god you can’t be logically right or wrong. You can only believe. But if you allow me to differ, here’s my opinion. It's started actually with simple question, that with so many religious conflicts, what's in God's mind really? Then came these answers:

It starts with one question. Do you believe life (eternal life) after death? If you believe it then you become a follower of a religion. If not you are an atheist. A religion is a way / tool to achieve the ultimate objective i.e having God’s love in the eternal life after death in heaven.

First question: Why are there so many religions? Simple analogy: Why does Bill Gates make so many Windows versions? If we ignore the commercial reasons the other reason left was for IMPROVEMENT. So did in the religion. Religion was being evolutionised and improved until last version of religion which is the final and ultimate improvement. Just like Windows they kept improved and made corrections if some bugs exist. The last religion is the improvement and correction to previous ones.

Let’s suppose that God created all religions. By definition God must be an all-powerful-perfect-being. If God is perfect than God can make no mistake. Then why God created imperfect religions at the first place (a mistake) only to replace them with a more perfect one? That’s the analogy about Windows was all about right? A continuous process of improving things.

The essence of evolution is actually adaptation, survival of the fittest. Following this line of thought then, older imperfect religions must cease to exist because their changed environment won’t allow them to, and give way to more improved ones. They can not live hand-by-hand. Contrarily we can see all around us that the majority of followers of older religions live (at least by their own definition) perfectly happy. They have no need to ‘upgrade’ their faith.

However, this line of thought (evolution of religion) is not totally unique. Nietzche for instance, had used the same argument when he announced the “Death of God”. Human has evolved and at the latest state they can rely perfectly in their logical thinking. Hence no need for God or religion for moral guardian. Free yourself from moral norms and you can be an “Ubbermensch”. Talking about dangerous mind...

Hence I don’t think that evolution of religion can really explain the co-existence of various religions currently. Maybe, it’s more related with marketing strategy. Yes, segmentation. As society evolves different needs emerge. At first you only have one type of automobile—say 4-seats-sedan for argument sake. But then you have needs for different transportation activities, hence buses, trucks, family-car etc. The models might be improved (i.e. Kijang Kapsul, Kijang Innova) but the types remain. There’s no perfect or imperfect here, only different type for different needs, thus they can co-exist.

Second question: Why do religions make conflicts? A lot of followers (may be majority) think that:

(1) his / her religion is the only correct one, others are wrong
(2) everybody in the world must follow my religion, if not they are enemy
(3) I have to safe all people in the earth so they must follow me
(4) My religion is majority, the minority is wrong

That followers forget:

(1) religion is not a God. A religion is a way / tool that we must believe can guide as to arrive safely in heaven
(2) God creates mankind : as God's representative on the earth which must bring peace and happiness to the earth (not only human but also animals etc)

Logically it follows then, that it’s irrelevant to say bus is better than sedan as they cater for different needs. This is the answer for question 2: why there are conflicts among religions. I then, tend to agree with the answers given earlier. Some die-hard jeep-owners-club might think that their type of vehicle is the best. This is an erroneous statement since you may say that jeep is not ideal for those who prefer cleaner-more-fuel-efficient vehicle et cetera

Third question: Why are there heaven and hell? Some analogy:
(1) Like a travel we have to have destination
(2) Like a business, we have to have business objectives
(3) Like human resource management: there are rewards and punishments

Can you imagine life without objective? We’ll go nowhere! And you will say: Look at Russian and Chinese people. They don’t believe in God, but they are successful (at least compared to Indonesia). They actually make the religion by themselves. Country is like a religion for them.

I agree with the answer that after-life is an objective, hence: heaven and hell. And it follows that our objectives drive the way we live our life. But to say that this is the ONLY objective might undermine other alternatives. Others for instance, may say that life in itself is an objective. Their objective is then to live life the fullest. Their definition of success then, is limited to this life only. Those who believe on heaven and hell seem to set their objective longer than they do, but this should be fine as each of us can not force others to follow our objectives and our definition of success. Why?

This is comparable with companies or business entities that set their objective as market-share driven, margin driven et cetera. No matter what your objective is, you should compete legally, within set of rules we had agreed upon. Otherwise none of us can reach our objectives. To force others following our objectives is totally useless, might be illegal and thus counter-productive. Imagine those who set up their companies with an objective of forcing others to follow their way. This is laughable and that people can be considered as deranged. But yes, like business consultants, you can set your objective as persuading other companies to follow your way. To do this however, you have to be invited.

Last question: Why do we make mistakes? Oh yes, we are not angels. Human do make mistakes. But we have ‘user manual’ as our guidance. And God is merciful. So is natural that we make ‘unintended mistakes’ and then ask forgiveness to God. One thing we must not do: to do mistakes / sins that we have already know that they are definitely mistakes / sins.

Again, I agree with this. Apparently that’s all we do. Make mistakes after mistakes after mistakes... That’s fine I guess, as long as your mistakes don’t interfere with my effort to reach my objectives. That’s punishable by laws or norms—game rules we’d agreed upon.

All in all, this concludes that matters of faith, believe, religion and God are personal. Conflicts usually arise because erroneous believe that those matters should be organized in one way or universally fashioned—if you may. Let others live their life in ways they think fit their needs. As long as ones’ believe don’t interfere with others’ we should be all right. Sounds simple but as we have seen daily in this sick world: not easy to be achieved.

So as Captain Spock says: may you live long and prosper my brothers. That’s the Vulcans’ objective by the way...

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A Strange Dream

"Dear,

I had a strange dream last night. In that dream you asked me to go with you to this dormitory—we’re still college students. You had something to discuss with one of your friend but you won’t say exactly what it was. Somehow you’re full of secret today. In that dormitory you had a lot of friends, but they’re not our mutual friends and I didn’t know any of them.

The dormitory was a large building with many rooms. There was only one way in to / out of the dormitory. First we entered the hall where there was a guard and then you said "stay here" as you went inside. I stayed there, and as I waited I saw some of your friends. Since I had nothing to do I introduced myself and chatted with them. Oh yes, you’re popular there, everybody knew you. But strangely, nobody saw you went inside the dormitory. They were all there, whom you wanted to see actually?

I was like panicking. What happened to you? I reached for my cell phone but it wasn’t there in my pocket. Instead I found a buckle, and I realized it was the safety belt’s buckle from the taxi we rode on to get here. “I must have left the phone in the taxi”, so I thought, panicking even more.

I went with 2 of your friends to their room, and then they left me as they went looking for you. Again I reached for my cell phone, as if it was still there, only to realize yet again that it wasn’t. I could not reach you, I waited but you never came…

Until I woke up, and here’s the strangest part: realizing it was still dark I went back to sleep instantly and the dream started over once again. I reached for my cell phone, it wasn’t there, I could not reach you… and I woke up then went back to sleep straight away, and the dream started over from exactly the same point again. It went like that for 3 or 4 times. I was exhausted.

What worse was the feeling: it was like I had lost you forever. Each recurring dream ended the same way, there’s no way out. Not knowing what had happened to you made it even worse. Did you leave me on purpose? What had I done then? Had something bad happen to you? Then why nobody knew what had happened?

Finally the morning came, and I woke up for good. As my body still refused to climb down from the bed, I just laid there. While starring at the ceilings I thought about the dream. I still had a leftover from that dream, in the same way sweet drinks left an aftertaste in your mouth. Not totally unpleasant, although I almost sure it gave this tingly sensation inside me. Then suddenly it came to me. If it’s true that dreams are re-manifestation of our suppressed feeling, I guess it can only mean one thing: I miss you..."


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