Diary of a Great Conqueror

Let me introduce myself: I am Maximus the great leader of the mighty Roman empire. I have the will, the shrewdness and the intellect to rule this empire longer than anyone before, or ever will.

Not necessary a people person, yet I recognize my subjects needs for bread and entertainment, hence I’ve never neglected the advancement of art & science and construction of public and economic infrastructures. I give them freedom of speech and freedom to pursue their religious aspiration. You don’t need to be loved, but I found with sufficient effort you can keep your subjects content while aggressively pursuing your territorial ambition.

Ours is such an advance and prosperous nation, that our GDP constitutes more than 30% of total world GDP. Other nations may preach about the merit of mercantilism, socialism or communism, but I’m a stern believer of the free market. The whole will get the benefit from individuals’ greed, that’s my dictum. And I live to witness how right I am, while the socialist utopia remains but a big dream in the sky.

Friends, I have a few. I have to keep hostile neighbours at bay continuously. Their hostility came from the fact that at one point in history, I invaded and grabbed some of their territories. But I have the necessary muscle to contain them. They’ve tried to take back their lost territories but failed. They dare not to try again. Lesson learned well.

Instead, they are active trading partners now. They have no choice: my country is rich in natural resources and manufacture goods with efficiency they can not attain with their current technology. Yes we are superiorly advanced, and from time to time we are able to sell obsolete technology to them for considerable amount of money. Loser.

I am not respected I know, I am feared. And that’s fine with me as long as I get what I want: room to breath, lebensraum, glory in the enlarged territory.

Just like last year for instance. Japan is one hell of an opponent. It has the muscle and the guts to invade its smaller, weaker neighbours. But my intelligence told me its technology is backwarded, most of its military equipment is outdated. It doesn’t even have a mechanized division. Its leader, Tokugawa, continuously asks to acquire the secret of advance technology. Once he gets it, he can build an array of advance weaponry such as Modern Armor and Mechanized Infantry. Well, unless he steals the technology from me using his network of spies—because I won’t sell it to him—he won’t be able to learn the technology until 20 years from now.

I have other agenda too; I’ve been eyeing some of its territories rich in uranium. So I quietly moved my troops to the border and split 8 divisions of Modern Armor, 4 divisions of Gunships, 8 artillery divisions and 8 squadrons of heavy bombers to 2 different targets in a pincher movement. Then I declared war.

He’s mad as hell of course, but he can’t do anything. I quickly besieged his 2 largest cities, took my time bombarding them until the defense soften up before I sent the Modern Armors for the kill. My intelligence was correct: only cavalry (horse cavalry!) infantry and machine gunners left to defend the cities, lots of them though. The cavalry desperate assault reminds me of Poland’s cavalry charge against German’s panzers in 1939 in the beginning of World War II. Brave, but futile. Don’t they learn from history? My Modern Armors easily swept them to the last man.

With a casualty of only 1 division of Modern Armor I captured both cities. And you know what, the people there actually cheers our victory and welcome us with open arms. With our advance civilization who can resist? I quickly built improvements, and poured money to the recently conquered cities. Yes, there’s few underground resistance but they have no popular support. I easily crushed them all in a mere few weeks. Hah, had Bush discussed his war plan with me before he invaded Iraq, he wouldn’t have such headache now.

Oh yes, I’m still at war with Tokugawa, but one by one his cities have fallen to my hands and there’s only one remaining stronghold left. But I reckon with 2 strikes I can finish him off. That will be the end for Japan.

I finally reach the end. I have enlarged this empire to the scale no tyrant ever dreamed of. I have kept my subjects happy and there has been no uprising for as long as I remember. It’s time to retire, I will left Rome strong, prosperous and glorious.

“You Win. You have the leadership quality of Dan Quayle”*, the message in the computer’s monitor announced. What? I spent 4 days to craft each movement carefully and this is all I’ve got? Hmmm, oh well, I guess the standard in Sid Meir’s Civilization IV is getting higher. I still have a good time though; I enjoy my reign of terror.


Yours truly,
Maximus The Maximum


*) Dan Qualyle was the 44th Vice President of the United States under George H. W. Bush (1989-1993). Throughout his time as Vice President, Quayle was widely ridiculed in the media and by many in the general public, in both the USA and overseas, as an intellectual lightweight. His most famous blunder was when he corrected student William Figueroa's correct spelling of "potato" as "potatoe" at an elementary school spelling bee in Trenton, New Jersey, on June 15, 1992. [source: Wikipedia]

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