A Strange Dream

"Dear,

I had a strange dream last night. In that dream you asked me to go with you to this dormitory—we’re still college students. You had something to discuss with one of your friend but you won’t say exactly what it was. Somehow you’re full of secret today. In that dormitory you had a lot of friends, but they’re not our mutual friends and I didn’t know any of them.

The dormitory was a large building with many rooms. There was only one way in to / out of the dormitory. First we entered the hall where there was a guard and then you said "stay here" as you went inside. I stayed there, and as I waited I saw some of your friends. Since I had nothing to do I introduced myself and chatted with them. Oh yes, you’re popular there, everybody knew you. But strangely, nobody saw you went inside the dormitory. They were all there, whom you wanted to see actually?

I was like panicking. What happened to you? I reached for my cell phone but it wasn’t there in my pocket. Instead I found a buckle, and I realized it was the safety belt’s buckle from the taxi we rode on to get here. “I must have left the phone in the taxi”, so I thought, panicking even more.

I went with 2 of your friends to their room, and then they left me as they went looking for you. Again I reached for my cell phone, as if it was still there, only to realize yet again that it wasn’t. I could not reach you, I waited but you never came…

Until I woke up, and here’s the strangest part: realizing it was still dark I went back to sleep instantly and the dream started over once again. I reached for my cell phone, it wasn’t there, I could not reach you… and I woke up then went back to sleep straight away, and the dream started over from exactly the same point again. It went like that for 3 or 4 times. I was exhausted.

What worse was the feeling: it was like I had lost you forever. Each recurring dream ended the same way, there’s no way out. Not knowing what had happened to you made it even worse. Did you leave me on purpose? What had I done then? Had something bad happen to you? Then why nobody knew what had happened?

Finally the morning came, and I woke up for good. As my body still refused to climb down from the bed, I just laid there. While starring at the ceilings I thought about the dream. I still had a leftover from that dream, in the same way sweet drinks left an aftertaste in your mouth. Not totally unpleasant, although I almost sure it gave this tingly sensation inside me. Then suddenly it came to me. If it’s true that dreams are re-manifestation of our suppressed feeling, I guess it can only mean one thing: I miss you..."


***

Pablo Neruda - Translated

Menemukan terjemahan Indonesia dari Sonnet XVII-nya Pablo Neruda dari sini. Terjemahan yang bagus banget bahkan bila bandingkan dengan bahasa Inggrisnya. Juga coba perhatikan bahwa penerjemahnya, Hasan Aspahani, berhasil mempertahankan rima sonnet dengan baik. Memang seharusnya sih [a-b-b-a] [a-b-b-a] [c-d-c] [c-d-c]. Tapi ini [a-b-b-a] [a-b-a-b] [a-a-a] [c-c-c]. Biar gimana, semangat sonnet-nya tetap kelihatan kok.

Ngomong-ngomong, memuat Sonnet XVII ini ke dalam blog sama sekali nggak unik kok. Sebelum gue, sudah ada 1549 posting lain di blogger memuat puisi ini. Belum di weblog yang lain.

Soneta Cinta Ke-17

Aku tak mencintaimu karena kau mawar, cempaka
atau anyelir berduri yang luncas dari kobar api.
Aku mencintaimu seperti cinta yang tersembunyi,
dalam rahasia, ada di antara malam dan jiwa.

Aku mencintaimu seperti tanaman tak berbunga
cahaya bunga-bunga disimpan di dalam diri.
dan, tersebab anugerah cintamu, bangkit aroma,
dari dalam bumi, hidup, bersebati di tubuh ini.

Aku mencintamu, tanpa tahu bagaimana, darimana dan bilamana.
Aku mencintamu, sesungguh cinta, tanpa syak, tanpa jumawa.
Aku mencintamu, hingga selainnya tak ada lagi cara mencinta.

Tak ada kecuali ini cinta, juga tak engkau dan aku.
Alangkah dekat hingga tanganmu di dadaku adalah tanganku,
begitu karib, hingga ketika aku tidur, memejam jua matamu.

***

Dashboard Confessional

Now about music. In my ipod’s most-played playlist now I have “Dashboard Confessional”. Oh yeah, Emo is definitely in now. Emo is a short of emotional and they call this kind of music Emo apparently because the way the singer performs it: strongly emotional. There’s a report that once when DC sang “This Bitter Pill” he (yes, he, I explain latter) actually shed tears at the end. Even without such theatrical performance, I have to admit there’s so much energy, so much emotion comes from the music and the lyrics. Emo then, is justified.

About the name Dashboard Confessional. This is the stage name of Mr. Chris Carabba, a solo singer and not a band name—in the beginning at least because lately he has regular backups and now he doesn’t mind that misconception. Mr. Carabba being an artist, stated his reason "What rulebook says it has to be called your name if you're one guy?" Yeah right, so instead of generally acceptable-easy-to-remember-marketable-mono-syllabic-stage-names such as Sting, Cher, or simpler names such as Bono, Jay-Z you use Dashboard Confessional.

In fact, marketability was not Mr. Carabba claimed he had in mind at first. DC was only a side project, while his “permanent project” it seems, was a front man for “Further Seems Forever” (don’t be confused: this is a band name). While generated a group of loyal listeners with his first 4 albums, commercial success finally came when the song “Vindicated” was included in Spiderman-2 soundtracks. Then with his latest album “Dusk and Summer” stardom at last arrived. Oh yes, as usual the original fans then whining about sacrificing artistic integrity for marketability. As if both can’t go hand in hand. Anyway, still good music in my opinion.

Okay, here’s one example of Mr. Carabba work from his previous album “The Swiss Army Romance”. By the way I don’t know whether there’s any Indonesian band you can call Emo. Padi come to mind. But while Padi’s lyrics are poetic and the music sophisticated, DC’s lyrics are more straightforward with a much simpler music background. Buy the CD and judge it yourself.

A Plain Morning

It is yet to be determined,
but the air is thick,
& my hope is feeling worn.
I'm missing home,
& I'm glad you're not a part of this,
there are parts of me that will be missed.
And the phone is always dead to me,
so I can't tell you the temperature is dropping
& it feels like

it is colder than it ought to be in March
& I still have a day or two ahead of me
till I'll be heading home,
into your arms again.
And the people here are asking after you.
It doesn't make it easier.
It doesn’t make it easier to be away.

I'd like to hire a plane.
I'd see you in the morning,
when the day is fresh.
I'm coming home again.
It's warmer where you're waiting.
It feels more like July.
There's pillows in their cases
& one of those is mine.
And you wrote the words I love you,
& sprayed it with perfume.
It is better than the fire is
to heat this lonely room.
It is warmer where you're waiting
It feels more like July.

***

Parenting 101 (part 2)

Lagi-lagi, jauh sebelum anak gue lahir, gue udah mikirin apa nama yang cukup oke buat anak gue nantinya. Ada beberapa persyaratan:

(1) Nggak boleh aneh, nanti bisa diketawain temennya kalau udah gede, termasuk panggilan singkatnya. Misalnya: Jingga jadi Jing,

(2) Nggak boleh terlalu biasa juga, biar jarang ada yang nyamain. Nggak lucu kan kalau manggil sekali yang nengok 15.

(3) Jangan terlalu berbau asing, baik itu kebule-bulean (kayak nama gue), kearab-araban, dll. Nggak ada alasan khusus, cuma kepengen agak nasionalis aja.

(4) Kalau bisa agak ‘nyastra’, supaya kalau ketemu orang bisa jadi bahan obrolan.

Akhirnya memang kepikiran satu nama yang romantis berat: “Derai Cemara”. Tau kan? Ini diambil dari puisinya Chairil Anwar berikut.

Derai Derai Cemara

Cemara menderai sampai jauh
terasa hari akan jadi malam
ada beberapa dahan di tingkap merapuh
dipukul angin yang terpendam

Aku sekarang orangnya bisa tahan
sudah berapa waktu bukan kanak lagi
tapi dulu memang ada suatu bahan
yang bukan dasar perhitungan kini

Hidup hanya menunda kekalahan
tambah terasing dari cinta sekolah rendah
dan tahu, ada yang tetap tidak terucapkan
sebelum pada akhirnya kita menyerah

“Hidup hanya menunda kekalahan….”, yah memang rada-rada morbid sih, karena dibikin sama Chairil Anwar menjelang ajalnya. Tapi tetep, kalau nggak baca isinya, judulnya keren banget kan.

Sayangnya, tau kalau anaknya bakal laki-laki, istri gue jadi berubah pikiran. Katanya nama kayak gitu terlalu feminin. Yah, ada benernya juga, pasti gara-gara “Cemara” itu. Padahal kan dia bisa aja dipanggil “Ray”.

Akhirnya kita bersepakat untuk menggunakan nama yang gue dapet waktu baca komik Jepang kesukaan gue. Cukup unik lah. Habis itu ditambah nama belakang yang gue ambil dari bahasa Sansakerta. Kan harus dua nama supaya nggak susah waktu buat paspor nanti.

Kenapa bukan pakai nama belakang gue alasannya juga sederhana: gue kan keturunan Jawa dan sebagian besar keturunan Jawa nggak punya fam seperti orang Manado, Ambon atau Tapanuli, kecuali yang berdarah ningrat tentunya. Kakek gue namanya satu doang, bokap gue namanya nggak mengandung 'Rahardian', jadi kenapa harus memulai? (By the way, kakek gue itu adalah pegawai Deplu, gimana ya paspornya waktu itu)

Jadi buat yang akan punya anak, mungkin nama tadi bisa dipakai. Unik, keren, nasionalis, punya makna pula. Bayangin kalau dia cowok, waktu kenalan sama cewek bisa cerita tentang namanya itu: “panggil gue Ray, lengkapnya Derai Cemara. Nama gue diambil dari judul puisi yang ditulis Chairil Anwar…” Best pick up line ever, don’t you think?

Dan kalau dia cewek, cowok yang tergila-gila sama dia bisa dibayangin bakal nulis cerpen yang awalnya kayak gini: “Namanya Derai Cemara, diambil dari judul puisi Chairil Anwar, sang penulis itu. Cemara menderai sampai jauh, terasa hari akan jadi malam. Ya, derai namanya membawa anganku melayang jauh, dan jarak yang memisahkan kita membuat hariku serasa menjadi malam…” Ah!

Nama yang hebat. Kasih tau gue aja kalau nama tadi jadi dipakai…

***

Parenting 101 (Part 1)

Boleh percaya apa nggak, gue udah mempersiapkan diri sejak lama untuk menjawab pertanyaan-pertanyaan sulit yang diajukan anak gue. Lama banget, jauh sebelum dia lahir. Dari dulu gue udah sering mengajukan pertanyaan ke diri gue sendiri seolah-olah pertanyaan tersebut datang dari anak kecil, terus mikir gimana strategi menjawabnya.

Sebenernya pertanyaan anak kecil selalu sederhana, cuman bagaimana menjawabnya dengan level yang bisa dimengerti anak tanpa harus berbohong, itu yang sulit. Ya, seninya adalah bagaimana agar anak puas dengan jawaban yang diberikan, sekaligus menjadikan jawaban sederhana itu landasan untuk pemahaman lebih maju kalau dia udah gedean. Nggak sekedar ngeles gitu…

Contoh pertanyaan yang udah gue antisipasi dari dulu adalah sebagai berikut (catatan: percakapan ini adalah kisah nyata, walaupun didramatisir)

Y (Yuka 2.5 tahun): Ayah planet itu apa sih?
G (Gue): Planet itu bola besar yang muterin matahari.
Y: Besar gimana?
G: Besar banget, orang bisa berdiri di atasnya.
Y: Kenapa planet muterin matahari ayah?
G: Karena ada matahari, kalau nggak ada matahari planet pasti jalannya lurus.

Perhatikan, jawaban di atas didasarkan pada Hukum Gerak Newton 1: benda yang bergerak akan terus bergerak dalam lintasan lurus dengan kecepatan tetap bila tidak ada gaya lain yang memengaruhinya.

Y: Ayah pinter ya!
G: Iya dong…he he.

(catatan: nah, itu bagian yang didramatisir…)

Tapi memang ada pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang nggak bisa gue jawab. Tepatnya gue nggak tau apakah jawaban gue bisa dimengerti atau nggak. Kalau sudah terdesak begini coba gunakan pre-emptive delaying and evasive strategy seperti di bawah.

Y: Ayah, Tuhan itu cewek atau cowok?
G: Emmm….
Y: Terus, Tuhan itu baik atau jahat sih?
G: Eh…
Y: Ayah, ayah…
G: Yuka, mau main bola nggak sama ayah?
Y: Mau, mau…
G: ... (lolos untuk sementara)

Mungkin ada yang punya ide lain?

***

Pablo Neruda

Pablo Neruda (1904 – 1973) is one hell of a guy. A poet, a senator, a communist activist, a guerilla fighter, a Nober Prize winner and above all: a lover. Could you ask for more from one man? Enough on Neruda, you know where to look if you want to find out more. Here’s a popular poem by this great poet – one of my fave.

Sonnet XVII

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, or topaz,
or arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I don't know any other way.

Than this: where I does not exist nor you
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

***

The Execution of Tibo

On September 22, 2006 Tibo Cs, the convicted Poso killers, were executed in Palu. I just left Palu on September 21, one day before the execution took place. While at that time the situation in Palu remained calm, it was an eerie kind of calmness. The usual hustle bustle of the city was not observed even in the market place; instead people chose to stay at home even before the day was over. Of course it was raining, which rather unusual itself because it had been months since the last rain fell in Palu. The police and the army were everywhere, but somehow I don’t know whether their omni presence should make me feel secure or worry.

Anyway, I’m not going to talk about the situation in Palu. What concern me is the heated debate on whether the execution should be carried out, cancelled all together or delayed. It is too late now I know because at the time I wrote this Tibo Cs have been executed. But the point still linger, was it right to execute Tibo Cs?

I observed 2 major arguments against the execution:

(1) The law process which lead to the ruling is questionable: Tibo Cs were just the henchmen; the ring leaders are still free out there. And With regards to the notorious track record of the Indonesian court of law, it is believed that the ruling was a result of a power play behind it.

(2) Death penalty is against human right; human has no right to kill another human being for whatever reason.

The first argument is a classic one. In each major case like this a conspiracy theory has never failed to loom behind. This is because it concerns a delicate subject in Indonesia: the anxious relation between the Christian minority and the dominant Muslim population. Let's look at them one by one.

Why the process lead to the ruling and the execution was considerably swift compared with those for Amrozy Cs?

In fact, the process has been anything but swift. In my opinion, it was processed at usual speed. Tibo Cs were captured in 2000, gone through multiple trials, asked twice for the president’s pardon etc. until the end at 2006. In comparison, Amrozy Cs were first tried in 2002 shortly after the bombing and still in the death row waiting for the final decision from MA. I can even understand if they speed up the process, due to the huge attention paid to the case, and the bloody footsteps it left behind.

Then why the true ring leaders are not sentenced, or even captured? There must be a big conspiracy behind it all.

This argument emerged because Tibo Cs were just low educated poor farmers. It doesn’t make sense they could plan and organize a large, systematic mass murder like that. I cannot disagree with this argument. I, too, really think that the masterminds are still out there, and it is right to demand a more serious and thorough investigation to get to the bottom of this. Anyhow, it doesn’t make Tibo Cs less guilty. It was proven before the court of law that their hands were bloody.

In any case, it only justifies the decision to delay the execution, so they could really point out the masterminds. To do this however, Tibo Cs had to plead guilty to show that they just followed orders, am I correct? Maybe it would result with something lighter than death penalty. But in fact, they maintained their innocence until the end, as can be read in this statement from their lawyers. (Tibo did mention some names to the police back in 2001 by the way, make it highly susceptible if he was not involved at all).

The Indonesian court of law is an inept, corrupt institution, thus the sentence can not be justified because it’s a result of a flawed process.

Looking back at several courts’ decisions in the recent past, I can’t say I’m happy with that as well. But we should not undermine the good work of the police which was used to build the case against Tibo Cs. They’re no angels I know, but the police have shown they can do a decent job while working on cases like Bali Bombing 1 and 2, Marriot Bombing and other cases of terrorism. They’re under a lot of pressure and too many people watching while they were working for a major case like this. Hence, I believe it is considerably safe to assume that no hanky panky took place while they built the case against Tibo Cs.

As far as I remember from past cases, we were suspicious when the evidences were there but the verdicts were not as “heavy”, or the other way around. The “Justice Matrix” might look like this:

(1) If:

Evidence (our perception of police work)
(-) Weak
(+) Strong

Result (verdicts from the court of law)
(-) Light sentence
(+) Heavy sentence

(2) Then:

Evidence + Result = Our “Feeling of Justice”

(-) + (-) = “It’s a fair trial” example: Tempo vs. Tomy Winata
(+) + (-) = “The judges took a bribe!” example: Buloggate
(-) + (+) = “The judges tweak it” example: Tempo 1996
(+) + (+) = “They deserve it” example: Amrozy Cs.

Mind you, this is not scientific but I believe it’s a good approach to show our feeling of justice. From this matrix, we can see Tibo case can only fall into the 3rd or 4th category. And in this case I strongly believe that the investigation has been done in a decent manner, thus “they deserve it”. I also heard that several Muslims involved in the similar mass murder in Poso were sentenced with lighter verdicts. It should fall under second category.

Lastly, the “Let the one among you who is without sin ...” argument. Well this can go as long as you want like in this site . For me it’s sufficient to say: it’s the law. You can have your point of view against the death sentence. But I think it’s only right if you take it as a matter of principle and not view it in partial, case-by-case situation. I mean, if you oppose the execution of Tibo Cs because you don’t agree with the death sentence per se, you should have similar view against the death sentence for Amrozy Cs, those African drug dealers, etc. Personally, I loath it if Amrozy Cs got less than death sentence. Don’t care if it can also make them damn martyrs. May their souls burn in hell…

***

Beloved

Ini salah sebuah novel yang udah gue beli cukup lama tapi baru kebaca sekarang. Alasan pembelian, pertama: murah karena buku ini buku bekas; kedua: pengarangnya Toni Morrison; ketiga: karena bukunya sendiri memenangi Pulitzer award, dan terpilih sebagai the Best Work of American Fiction of the Last 25 Years dari survey yang dilakukan oleh The New York Times di kalangan kritikus sastra. Toni Morrison sendiri akhirnya memenangi Nobel Sastra tahun 1993 beberapa tahun setelah menulis buku ini. Bisa dibilang ini adalah Magnum Opus-nya Toni Morrison. Sepertinya buku ini sudah diterjemahkan ke Bahasa Indonesia, walupun gue ragu apakah nuansa yang sama bisa dimunculkan dalam Bahasa Indonesia.

Walaupun menjanjikan harus diakui membaca buku ini sampai selesai benar-benar melelahkan dibandingkan dengan buku-buku Toni Morrison lain. Sebabnya ada beberapa hal. Pertama ceritanya sendiri: cerita pada buku ini berkisar pada dunia nyata, dunia khayal, dunia setelah mati, masa lalu dan masa kini. Harus benar-benar diperhatikan siapa yang bercerita pada setiap bagian dan kapan, jika tidak kita bisa kehilangan perspektif—tersesatlah bahasa gampangnya.

Kedua: karakter yang diceritakan dalam buku ini jumlahnya cukup banyak, dan tidak ada yang lebih menonjol dari yang lain. Semua sama penting dan menarik untuk diikuti. Jadi walaupun “Beloved” sebagai judul buku ini adalah nama seorang tokoh utamanya, ia tidak muncul sebagai subjek utama dalam buku, walaupun sebagai obyek ia cukup berperan—titik tolak cerita keseluruhan buku ini bahkan. Dan lagi, semua tokoh punya sejarah dan kerumitan mereka sendiri, sehingga pandangan masing-masing tokoh terhadap satu kejadian yang sama bisa benar-benar berbeda karena dipengaruhi latar belakang masing-masing.

Ketiga adalah gaya berceritanya: dunia nyata, khayalan dalam pikiran dan bahkan kejadian “out of this world” juga dicampur begitu saja, tanpa peringatan, tanpa pembuka dan tanpa alur yang linier. Seakan-akan secara sembarangan, Toni Morrison melempar potongan-potongan cerita sepanjang buku ini yang hanya ia sendiri tahu di mana ujungnya. Dan memang demikianlah struktur dalam buku itu dibuat, yaitu seperti kepingan-kepingan puzzle yang harus kita susun, dan baru pada bagian terakhir semuanya bisa dipahami secara utuh.

Belum lagi sudut pandang penceritanya yang terus beralih. Gaya orang pertama yang berpikir sendiri dan kemudian bercerita tentang diri sendiri pada pembaca, gaya orang kedua yang menceritakan orang lain, dan gaya pihak ketiga sebagai orang luar yang menceritakan kejadian-kejadian tentang tokoh utama. Semuanya dipakai!

Keempat Bahasa Inggrisnya: bikin pusing. Kalau tokohnya berbicara atau berpikir, mereka tidak menggunakan grammar dan vocabulary yang baku. Hal ini jelas disengaja, untuk menggambarkan kemampuan berbahasa tokoh-tokoh di buku ini, yang semuanya dibesarkan dalam dunia perbudakan sebelum perang saudara di Amerika. Masuk akal, karena ini secara efektif menempatkah tokoh-tokohnya pada konteks sejarah dan budaya yang jadi latar belakang cerita.

Tapi yang terpenting sebuah buku tidak akan bisa disebut bagus kalau cerita atau temanya sendiri tidak menarik. Bagaimanapun teknik menulis adalah sekedar alat untuk mengantar dongeng kepada pembaca. Jadi, terlepas dari gaya penulisan Toni Morrison yang rumit seperti disebut di atas, ceritanya sendiri sih oke banget justru karena kompleksnya tema yang diusung.

Tema yang paling jelas menonjol adalah masalah perbudakan dan kekejaman-kekejaman yang mengikutinya. Bisa dilihat bahwa walaupun pada akhirnya menjadi manusia bebas, semua tokoh utama sebenarnya masih “sakit” karena tidak bisa lepas dari bayang-bayang perbudakan yang pernah mereka alami. Pertanyaan tentang apakah arti kebebasan itu terus menggantung sepanjang cerita. Kalau jiwa dan pikiran terus terikat pada masa lalu (seperti yang terjadi pada semua tokoh di buku ini) apa artinya kebebasan fisik?

Sebaliknya di masa lalu, mereka pernah dimiliki oleh seorang yang relatif baik hati sehingga “membebaskan” mereka untuk membuat keputusan untuk diri mereka sendiri “selama semuanya dilakukan dalam lingkup pertanian Sweet Home”. Tapi apa ini namanya juga bebas? Kata Paul D salah seorang tokoh utama “Everything rested on Garner being alive. Without his life each of theirs fell to pieces”. Dan memang begitulah yang terjadi, saat tuan yang baru datang (cuman dijelaskan dengan nama julukannya: schoolteacher) perlakuan kejamlah yang mereka dapat, sehingga mereka memutuskan untuk melarikan diri walaupun kematian jadi bayaran bagi beberapa di antara mereka.

Nah, bila tidak di dunia ini, apakah “pembebasan” yang murni bisa tercapai dalam bentuk kematian? Ironisnya, paling tidak untuk Beloved, ternyata tidak juga. Setelah kematiannya, ia bahkan kembali ke dunia sebagai seorang hantu, penasaran karena ia mati di usia bayi dan sekarang masih haus akan cinta ibunya yang dulu hanya sebentar ia nikmati. Kata “seorang” tadi memang disengaja karena walaupun hanya berupa roh penasaran, Beloved muncul dalam sosok wanita dewasa yang hidup. Bingung kan?

Bagaimana Beloved mati juga jadi tema penting lainnya dalam buku ini. Ini karena ia mati dibunuh oleh ibunya sendiri (lehernya dipotong dengan gergaji) saat masih bayi. Sethe sang ibu, sebenarnya juga sudah berusaha membunuh ketiga anaknya yang lain, tapi mereka berhasil diselamatkan oleh orang-orang di sekitarnya. Sethe ibu yang kejam? Nanti dulu. Ia terdorong untuk melakukan itu karena melihat schoolteacher datang ke rumah untuk mengambil kembali anak-anaknya. Alih-alih menyerahkan anak-anak yang sangat dicintainya pada kehidupan perbudakan yang dia tahu sangat kejam, Sethe memilih untuk membunuh mereka. Memang schoolteacher akhirnya pergi, melihat anak-anak tersebut dalam keadaan (yang dia kira semuanya) mati dan berdarah-darah. Walaupun akhirnya hanya menjalani hukuman penjara selama beberapa tahun, kejadian itu mengubah segalanya bagi Sethe dan ketiga anaknya yang masih hidup. Dua anak laki-lakinya akhirnya kabur dari rumah, Beloved mati, Denver anak perempuan paling kecil tumbuh jadi anak penyendiri yang tidak pernah tahu kehidupan di luar rumahnya sendiri.

Jadi, salahkah Sethe? Ini jadi pertanyaan semua tokoh dalam buku ini, dan masing-masing punya sudut pandang yang menarik tentang hal ini. Kesimpulan akhirnya, buku ini menggambarkan dengan baik (atau menyeramkan tepatnya?) efek dari kejamnya perbudakan, bahkan jauh setelah para budak tersebut diberi kebebasan. Bukan hanya pada orang yang diperbudak, tapi juga bagi keturunannya dan orang-orang yang hidup di sekitarnya. Masa lalu, mereka sadar, memang harus dibuang jauh-jauh supaya bisa melangkah ke masa depan. Persoalannya, bagaimana kalau masa lalu itu terus mengikuti, terlihat setiap hari saat berkaca seperti bekas luka di wajahmu? “The future was sunset; the past something to leave behind. And if it didn't stay behind, well, you might have to stomp it out. Slave life; freed life-every day was a test and a trial. Nothing could be counted on in a world where even when you were a solution you were a problem”.

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Should You Continue Reading This Blog?

Let me make a statement: for those who happen to read this blog and try to find one consistent theme from the various posting I (will) write, give it up. You won’t find any. Not a good way to start a blog I admit. The blog world is extremely fragmented, and most readers, having limited time, would read those most relevant for them. And consequently those blogs with one cohesive theme would have the advantages of easily categorized and thus being read the most.

But again, as Calvin and Hobbes put it, which one should I choose? Artistic integrity or marketability? Unlike Calvin, easily persuaded by his stuffed tiger as usual, I chose the road less traveled.

So here I am, try to throw my arms around the world. I don’t have “the cause”, and will write about anything I like to share with the world. Beware, as one of my friend phrase it (or Calvin as well): I can be soullessly banal at one time, yet acutely profound when discussing the human condition at another time. Okay, it may sounds shamelessly exaggerating but let you, dear readers, be the judge.

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