Dukun

You must have read about Ki Gendeng Pamungkas recently. He tried to put a spell on Bush which will make him feel terrified once he entered Istana Bogor and shorten his visit in Indonesia. Apparently it didn’t happen. Confronted with this fact, he answered nonchalantly, "how could I win if I was surrounded by 10 skillful Jewish dukuns. It’s good that I came unscratched from the fight." [Rakyat Merdeka Nov. 21].

He said that initially he only fought 5 of them, and quite successful in creating some problems to Air Force One. But then 5 more of these Jewish dukuns came, and the balance tipped to their favor. Typical dukunish reasoning don’t you think?

I purposely used "dukun" instead of a customary translation "shaman" here. Somehow the word "shaman" produce an image of a low profile, old, wise guy who uses his vast knowledge in a subtle way to help others, with no material motives behind. On the other hand, the word "dukun" creates an image of an opportunistic fraud, which uses his skill with words to sway his dim-witted victims for their money. In our daily life, we use the word dukun to ridicule others.

(+)Men, kayaknya hari ini lo bakal dapet rejeki nomplok deh.
(-)Ah dasar mbah dukun. Bilang aja kalau mau minta dibayarin makan siang.
(+)Iya ya...he he.

(+)Hey man, smells like fresh money is coming your way today.
(-)Oh Mr. dukun. Can’t you just say you want me to buy your lunch?
(+)That’s true...ha ha.

[This itch starts to annoy me by the way]

And I have several experiences with their like. First when a friend of my wife had her jewelries stolen by her servant. For the most part it’s her own fault, since she kept the jewelries in her unlocked room. She tried everything to locate the culprit to no avail. Finally she heard about this dukun, and asked me and my wife to accompany her to his place. She then consulted the dukun for some hours while we waited outside. And then she came out, looked less depressed than before. She said the dukun could not lock the culprit since she was using some kind of charm herself. But he had done what he could to stop her for crossing open water—meant she’s cursed to stay in Java forever.

And, that’s it. This dukun was smart enough to be vague but hopeful. But I don’t need to be half that smart to come out with something like that. And I give my bullshit for free to anyone care to listen—or read.

[Hurt myself for scratching too hard. Can’t stand this itch]

The other one is worse. This "orang-pintar" (literally smart guy, but actually means wise guy, yet another euphemism for dukun) promised to cure my relative’s illness. She has terminal cancer but refused to be treated in the hospital. Instead she relied on alternative medicine; this orang-pintar was one of them. So the big family gathered in her place as requested by the orang-pintar, to pray together while he performed the medication inside her room. Several hours later he emerged to announce that the operation showed initial success. There were several sessions needed lasting for 2 weeks and my relative actually felt better—she claimed. But that’s just an illusion since one month later she passed away.

When challenged, this orang-pintar said that during the praying session some participants had doubts on his ability, resulting in unsuccessful medication. See the pattern? Dukun Rule #1: when not prevail, blame others.

The final twist. Ki Gendeng Pamungkas mentioned that his spell will last for quite some times. As a result George W. Bush will lose in the next election. [Rakyat Merdeka Nov. 21] When later Bush will not even run for the U.S. presidency because he already served twice, Ki Gendeng Pamungkas can choose between the following dukunish reasoning:

(a) He meant when Bush is running for Iran’s Presidency. Yes, he has that ambition, just wait and see.

(b) He has actually succeeded in failing Bush’s attempt to change the Amendment that prevents him to serve for more than 2 terms. Thus, Bush can’t run because he—Ki Gendeng Pamungkas—has prevented it.

(c) And don’t forget, this time he is not only fighting 10 Jewish dukuns, but also 13 Voodoo dukuns, 27 Shoshone-Indian dukuns and 18 Druids dukuns.

Well that’s typical for...

[Wonder why this itch in my body won’t stop. Ouch, this itch is killing me, never had it like this before. Hey I’m red all over, they’re not even there this morning. Or…is it santet? Oh my God, help mbah dukun! I promise not to make fun of you anymore, just get me out of this misery please!]

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